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Stack-a-Lee
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The night was clear and the moon was yellow,
And the leaves came tumblin' down.
I could hear my bulldog for five miles or more as he barked
At the two notorious muthafuckas gamblin' in the dark.
It was Stack-a-Lee and Billy, two men who gambled late.
Stack-a-Lee threw seven. Billy swore he threw eight.
Billy said, "Stack, you takin' my money, so get on yo knees and pray.
With yo life, you gonna hafta pay."
Stack said, "Lame! Are you for real?"
Said, "I want you to listen and listen well.
I'm the bad muthafucka that drove the devil out of hell.
I walked from New York to the deepest South
Just to punch and son-of-a-bitch in his muthafuckin' mouth!
Mules has kicked me and didn't bruise my hide!
Rattlesnakes has bit me and crawled off and died.
I can walk the desert sand and never leave a track,
Fuck the hump out of a camel's back!
I caught the devil's wife shovelin' coal,
And broke my big looooong black off in her hot asshole.
I got great big hands and great big feet.
I'd rather do a muthafucka in that sit down and eat.
I fucked bitches and paid my rent,
I don't owe a livin ass a muthafuckin' cent.
So muthafucka, can't you see?
I pity the son-of-a-btich that fucks with me!"
Billy said, "Well man, you standin' up herre rapping from 'bout 1 to 3.
Why don't you cool down a little bit and listen to my life's pedigree.
As a kid, pistols, knives and blackjacks was my only toys.
To fuck up bad muthafuckas like you was my pride and joy.
When I was born I knew how to talk,
At three days old I could run and walk.
I started to school at the age of one,
And made ice cubes out the hot, boiling sun.
I'm the one that made the elephants roost in trees,
And had the muthafuckin' ants wearin' BVDs.
I swim the Pacific and never got wet.
Walked through Hell and didn't even sweat.
Pulled all of the hairs off of a dog named Speedy,
Stood back 25 feet and pissed through the eyes of a needle.
I slapped sawdust out of pine.
I'm a bad muthafucka and I don't mind dyin'."
'Bout that time Billy made a fancy pass.
Stack-a-Lee shot him dead in his ass.
Fucked up his face, knocked out his teeth.
And said, "Now muthafucka have you still got a beef?"
Someon said, "Call the law!"
Stack said, "I ain't never been afraid of the law!
I can look in a mirrow and beat my own self to the draw."
Here comes Billy's wife, runnin' and screamin', "Oh is he dead?"
Stack said, "Biiiitch! Is he dead?
Can't you see he got three bullets in his muthafuckin' head?"
She said, "Who committed this crime, may I ask please?"
He said, "Me biiitch! And my name is Stack-A-Lee."
She said, "I heard of you Stack,
But you betta not be here when the police get back."
I said, "Biiitch! I'll be here when the world go past,
And you can tell the police to kiss my muthafuckin' ass!"
About that time, the sargeant told the police
To go and get your gun and come go with me.
'Cause I got a warrant to arrest this bad nigga they call Stack-A-Lee.
The police said, "You muthafuckas must be sick.
Sargeant, tell the lieutenant to tell the captain to tell the chief to Yardy and have Yardy to call Regan 'cause I'm layin' my gun back on the shelf.
If y'all want this nigga called Stack-a-Lee, you'll go and get him by yo muthafuckin' self."
And if anybody asks you who told you this toast,
Tell em it was Dolemite, the bad muthafucka known from coast to coast!Copyright © Rudy Ray Moore
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